|| Down Again ||

I've been pushed down so many times
I feel this time will be the last
as I lay here fading
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building
as I lay here on the floor
I have no strength to get up
I'm not worth it any more
_____________________________________________________________________________

...i pray for thee...
arjay..." gave up my wings to be with you "

||1yr annie||

First off I would like to thank you. I want to thank you for all the love, joy, and happiness that you have bestowed upon my life. I know that its been a rough road getting to this point and I know that we didn’t always agree on a lot of things but it was for certain that we did agree however that we do have this undying love for each other. I thank god each and every night for all that he has done for me, and mostly for putting you in my path of life. Sweet heart you have changed me into such a better person than before, you have shown me so much but more importantly you have shown me true happiness. There is no one in this world that could ever compare to your beauty, your kindness, and no one in the world can ever show me the love that you have given me these past few months. I love you with all of my heart and soul, and there is nothing in this world that I would not do for you. Looking through all of our letters and some of the pictures that I have of us it just sends me into another world, a world full of profound happiness, I don’t know what comes over me sometimes whenever I am with you, my heart starts to beat faster, I start to get nervous,

I get a little weak,

its like every time I see you it feels

like it’s the 1^st time I have seen you in years.

Never in my life have I been so love struck, my heart beats faster with just simple thoughts of you. Baby you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, being with you it feels so right. Like I said before its been a rough road getting here, through all of our hardships, our tears, and our pain we always found a road back into each others hearts, baby I cant see myself with another girl, I cant even imagine myself not having you in my life, your everything to me baby and so much more.

You have stolen my heart and I hope that you never give it back to me.
______________________________________________

arjay&leticia= true happiness

||its been awhile||

okay its been about a month or 2 since ive last written in this thing and to tell you the truth i havent been feeling up to it ya know? well anyways alot of things have happened and im not guna go into detail about any of it cuz then ill probably bore the people who actually read my blogs. well anyways school has been going by pretty fast, in a few months ill be done with highschool and starting my life...

the fact of the matter is, i dont want to leave. i really dont, i know most of the time i say i really want to get off this island but i just really dont want to. mainly for the reason being that if i do leave then it means i levae behide so many things, its hard to let go of things ya know? well anyways...

im really xcited for this month mainly beacuse its my babys b-day (happy sweet 16 sweet heart) yea im pretty happy for her and its just great ya know? and the other reason why im pretty happy is cuz our 1yr. annie is comin up on the 17th and im really xcited. 1 yr. can you believe it guys? a full freakin yr. its amazeing and to tell you the truth its been a heck of a yr. i mean sersiouly we had our Ups and we had our Downs but ya knows what? even though i fucked up and caused our realtionship to take a detour, and hit a few more bumps than we needed to, it been one hell of a ride. honest to god i am completely in LOVE with her. shes EVERYTHING to me and SO MUCH MORE. there are no word(s) that could best describe what i feel for her. the love that she has given me the happiness that she has made me experence is unbelieveable, all of our special moments, all of our tears and laughter has helped us build a stronger realtionship with each other. I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. theres noOne in this world that could ever compare to what she has given me..I LOVE YOU BABY!! always and FOREVER..
_____________________________________________________________________________
 johnny-

|| Jus smile||

...okay okay i havent been updateing for the past couple of weeks but thats okay since im not the only who dose it right? i mean its hard to find some free time when your busy with school. practice. and tryin to maintain a social life. well finals are over thank god, i think i did pretty well on most of my finals and im pretty happy how this week has gone by, i didnt expect a few things but hey im not one to complain. lets see, fareast is comin up on FEB 5. im not really syked about it cuz hey its going to be snowing and now that i really think about it i dont want to be in the snow all that long. ya know? oh and how about everyone on the drill team is getting sick! argh. people seriously i cant afford to get sick, not now, maybe later but not now. so stay awAY! frm me if you got the sickness or something cuz no arjay is not about to get sick. haha/

..well honestly the past couple of weeks its been tuff for me. ive been tryin to block out the bad things but the more i do that the more i think about it and sometimes it just takes over me ya know? im tryin not to let it get the best of me and i sersiouly am doin a good job but when top took me aside today at practice and we talked about whats been going on i swear i thought i was going to break down cuz i just didnt want to talk about it ya know? and top wanting to talk to me was out of no where and it was like whoa! but i am tryin my best jus to smile and keep others happy ya know? especially my sweet heart./

well anyways yes ticia and i are doing great, things for us just keep getting better and better, and im finding myself to love her more and more with each passing day. thankful to god that he blessed me with such an amazeing person. shes everything to me and i just love her to death, shes the reason why i smile alot more these days and shes the reason why ive been the happiest ive ever been in a long long time. i love you sweet heart!/

..well i think i written eNUFF for one day..
_____________________________________________________________________________
-johnny

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you
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 i love you sweet heart.
 -johnny